2018

Assalamualaikum and a big hi to all my lovely readers,

It is almost 1 year I didn't post any entry for you all to read. I am very sorry for that. Well, let's me summarize my life during this period. Well, in the last entry, I wrote about STPM. So, I'm just going to my school, study in the class, sometimes I get scold by my teachers. Honestly, I think I have changed. But I don't if my changes was in a positive way or in a negative way.

I can say that, this year (2018), is one of the emotional year of my life. I can't tell if 2016 or 2018 is my most emotional year. In this year, so many things happened. It just reached July only. But many things happened. One of the things is, My brother is now officially a Diploma Graduated. I am so proud of him.

Please ignore my emotionless face tho hahaha! Oh and by the way, he already has a job. He is working with our's father's friend. I can say that he is mature. He is just 22. I hope I am or I will be mature like him. Next hing happened, my brother is now engaged. I wish all the best for them.

I remember, one time, I was doing my STPM assignment, my teacher come to me, and ask me if I have any problems beacuse I failed to give them my MUET and STPM REPEAT's pin number. Total of them cost me RM401.60 something like that. I can't remember the accurate price. My family is not a rich family, I was afaird to tell them, I failed in my STPM first semester. My parent's didn't know until now. Only my brother know. After my teacher confront me, my tears fell down. I went to toilet to calm down myself. I didn't realize my friend were following me to accompany me. When I saw her, she asked me about my problems. I told her my problems. then she told our girlfriends about my problems. They helped me much after that. I feel so blessed to have them in my life.

Yeah, I was happy because my team and I won the second place in Pengajian Perniagaan's quiz, I also won a selfie contest, but yeah, sad things always come.

Now, let us back to the topic, 'Why I can't love myself?' I love my family and friends so much. One day, my friend that Malaysian will call her my 'deskmate', have a conversation with me. Long short story, she said, 'Don't you love yourself?'. I realized that I didn't give so much love to myself. I let someone else to hurt my heart. I was so down. I didn't realized it was affecting my first semester grades. I was too control myself because I impress all people even though I knew I can't. But I still do it. Now, I don't know what to do. I am afraid of changing myself. Maybe because I am afraid of growing up? What should I do?

You all can say that I was mental-bullied by my classmates when I was 17. I was trying hard to be their friend. But, They don't want to accept me. Maybe it was beacuse of me? Or some thing else?

I also was feeling down because my ex-crush, he has a girlfriend. Well, I should have know that he will never like or love, But now, I have a new crush XD.

That is all for now, I will my MUET speaking test next week, and MUET writing,litsening and reading and this end of July. please pray for me and my friends. Goodbye!